TUESDAY NIGHT IN SUMMER LEAGUE

Written by Andy Bandit.

Last night two titans took the field. Both played fiercely, and gave everything they had. It was really hard to tell which team was better. The spectators who came out to watch (apparently someone hyped this thing) knew they were seeing the smooth tasty cream of the Summer League crop. And boy did both teams put on a show! Not against each other though.

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I’ll start with the undercard. Isle of Wight entered the game as the #2 seed, trailing Brown only by point differential against common opponents. They were matched up against Pink Floyd, the #5 seed, and the only team to beat Brown. So this had all the makings of an epic. Sadly, it was far from it.

White scored first when Linux caught a tipped pass and hit Diesel in stride, but Pink roared right back with Andy Kennett - who throws his forehand so far to the side, he ends up on the ground on long hucks - finding Johnnie Lieske to tie it at 1’s. And that folks was the end of this being a close game.

The Wiz got a huge D on Sleepy’s huck, but Neil Fromer’s worked, reaching the Professor en route to 2-1. Then Linux hucked to Diesel. Eric Evangelista hucked to the Wiz. And it’s 4-1. Pink tried the zone, and that at least stopped the hucking game. They forced a couple turnovers, but it didn’t quite get the job done. White put it in to make it 5-1.

White got it back on offense again, and Cleo hit Criqet on a short pass that appeared to be a score. But Crissy Vega disagreed, and I swear a 30 minute argument broke out. 6 points were scored in the other game. Lynyrd Skynyrd played Free Bird three times. First it was about whether Criqet was in or not. Then I guess it was about what the stall count should be. It was so complicated, Denise Richards gave up. I was hoping Criqet would wrestle her for it, but that was just my mind wandering. Well, as soon as it was resolved and everyone’s happy-ish, Criqet promptly calls a time-out. Brilliant. Six throws later, including another call of “not in”, White scored and it was 6-1.

And then more comedy, as Scott Hills took the words “non-contact sport” to be…. optional. He trips and pushes Linux in the back. Foul. Then literally two throws later he wraps his arms completely around Linux. I mean, don’t get me wrong, Linux is a good looking man. But there’s people watching. Get a room boys.

White scored. Scored again. 8-1 half. At 9-2, Michael Cotter got a hand block, that ricocheted like a dart right into Linux’s hands and White made it 10-2. Sometimes that’s just how it goes. It went to 13-2 when Johnnie threw a huck onto the other field. He knew it right away, and dejectedly walked away as soon as it left his hands. His face told the story for Pink.

One final exciting play, on a huck to Sleepy covered by Diesel. It was the battle of USC/UCLA lefty handlers going deep. UCLA won that battle. And White won the war, finishing it off with a Diesel huck to Cleo, who hit Artoo, and White triumphed 15-3. With the victory, White passed Brown in point diff. against common opponents and in addition to securing a 1st round bye, a win over Purple next Monday should lock the #1 seed at the tournament.

The best part about watching White on zone O is Diesel switching hands before every throw. He’s taught himself to be ambidextrous so he’ll never have to throw another forehand again. And he passes the disc so rapidly between hands depending on which way he’s facing. It’s like, quick look to the right, then pass the dutchie on the left hand side, and oh look, he just gained 5 yards again.

Oh, but Pink has a character of their own. You have to see Shenzi when she gets marked close. This girl fakes 10 times each second. It’s like a 6-year-old on speed. She moves that disc back and forth like a conductor doing Flight of the Bumblebee.  She’s only 19, so I’m assuming experience (and perhaps a little valium) will calm her down. 

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The highly anticipated match-up of the #1 ranked Bad Bad Leroy Brown against #3 Impeach Nixon turned into not much more than a dog fight between a pit bull and that little thing Paris Hilton trots around. And it got ugly fast. AJ sent a deep huck to Sarah VanWagenen which led to the first score, and Uzi put a 10 yarder to James Renfroe to quickly make it 2-0 Brown. Peach came back with Rachel Bowers hitting Enway Hsu, and then they slapped on the zone. That got the turnover, and Rob Severson put up a huck to Erick Cifuentes. This is the Peach game we know and love. But not today. Seth Gillum ran down the pass, and knocked the disc clear out of play. No soup for you!!!

And then Brown began to take over. Two errant Rob hucks were followed by the standard AJ cross-field hammer to Aaron Baum, and it was 4-1. James got a nice spin around block, and sprinted for a score from Uzi for 5-1. AJ then impeded a huck to Rob (yes, that was huck TO Rob, not FROM, as we suddenly warped into Bizarro world), and James snared a Joe Forbes deep low shot down the line on a dive that would make Greg Louganis jealous.

After James’ dish to Sarah VW made it 7-1, Rob finally sat out his first ever Summer League point in history, and Peach rallied without their leader, tallying just their second point on a soaring Robbie Paolini cross-field backhand to Enway in the far corner. Peach put the zone back on, but Brown methodically crushed it and took half 8-2.  Kind of hard to stop Brown’s zone O, when AJ just hammers over people, and Seth never misses.  Each pass unflailingly hitting its mark like Minnesota Fats shooting 8-balls in the corner pocket.  And only one of those men has spent most of his life sleeping on a pool table.

The 2nd half went much like the first. Brown scoring and scoring. Another AJ cross-field hammer to Joe made it 12-3. But a little bit of hope ensued as Danny Walters bid for a sloppy pass. Although he missed it, it was the most inspired play I saw from Peach all night. It seemed to give them a little lift. Erick blocked a pass, and when Jacob Kuiper hit Danny to make it 13-4, I thought they could at least make things interesting. But not this night. The game finished on a gorgeous sideline to sideline hammer from Joe to AJ, and just like that Brown locked up a first round bye with a 15-5 win.

The most interesting element of this game was AJ’s shut down of Rob. Taking out that weapon in Peach’s attack put a stranglehold on their offense. We got used to watching Rob consistently get open all year, track down his targets like an AWACS jet, and fire pin-point lasers into his receivers’ hands. But in this game, AJ was draped all over him like Linus’ blanket. The patented Rob Severson “throw, then walk” strategy couldn’t get it done, so Rob worked, and he worked hard. Towards the end of the game, he was sweating like Ted Striker trying to land that Airplane. Peach collectively saying the Leslie Nielsen line “I just want to wish you Rob good luck. We’re all counting on you.” It was all the more amazing because AJ was fighting a cold, and was so sick he didn’t even go out to the Robin Hood after. What???

At least the night ended well between the two teams. Alli Moffa and Perky of Peach did body shots off James at the bar (Greg Louganis: still jealous), proving that what’s more important than competition is alcohol, partial nudity, and licking. I think that’s something we can all agree on.

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